Day Two

This isn't the first time I've tried this. I've done it at least twice in the past, having a good, long run of being in the Word and then somehow putting it down and not picking back up again for months. Even years. So, here I am again, determined.

Today's readings include: Exodus 35:10-36:38; Matthew 27:32-66; Psalm 34:1-10; Proverbs 9:7-8.
I had only ten minutes before I went to work this morning; not really enough time to get any reading done. Just as I thought about it, the phone rang. The person I will be riding with today is running late, and she'll pick me up from my house later. I really want to see this as more than coincidence. I know it is, but I can't wrap my mind around it. I don't know why I need a earthly explanation for a Godly event, but I do know that's one of the things that keeps me down.

But I digress (or do I?).

⁴ I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me.
      He freed me from all my fears.
 ⁵ Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
      no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
 ⁶ In my desperation I prayed, and the LORD listened;
      he saved me from all my troubles.
 ⁷ For the angel of the LORD is a guard;
      he surrounds and defends all who fear him. (Psalm 34:4-7)

I've prayed, and I've yet to be saved from my troubles. I've prayed for a job for my husband; it's been a year now with nothing. I've prayed for a better job for myself; I think I'm stuck here. I've prayed, but I've seen nothing. Probably because I can't really believe, no matter how much I may want to.
I know I should be thankful to even have a job for myself, but it's hard when that job doesn't pay enough for the basics like shelter. It's hard sharing a twin size bed with my husband in a room that is no bigger than 6'x6'. For that matter, I should be thankful to have a husband. But all I can do is worry that he might get injured or sick and need to go to the hospital, and since we can't pay, he may even be turned down.

I need to stop being so negative, but it's hard to see the positive even when it's staring me in the face. I have a wonderful, loving husband. I have a warm place to sleep. I even have an income. But all I can see is the lack of stable job for my husband, the negative aspects of my job that's actually a decent occupation, the tiny room and the inescapable state I'm in.

My mood is terrible; I want God to change it. I want to be able to feel He's here, know He hears me, hope He's going to bring me through these troubles. I need that faith.